Talking to Your Family

This page helps you explain college life to your family and supporters, decide what to share (and what to keep private), and build healthy check‑in routines. Use the conversation starters and resources below. These should help you stay connected, share your experience, and still feel supported by those who care about you.

Things to remember

  • Your family cares about you, even if they haven’t experienced college themselves. Your family still wants to help and be part of your life. You can help them figure out how to do that. 
  • Regular, honest updates reduce stress on both sides and help you get support sooner.
  • You get to set the pace and the boundaries. Sharing more doesn’t mean sharing everything.
  • Being First‑gen is a strength. You’re learning new systems and opening doors for others. You don’t have to do it alone.

What to share (and why)

Use these prompts to guide quick updates. Pick what’s relevant this week. You don't need to cover it all in one conversation.

Academics

  • Classes: What you’re taking, first impressions, what’s going well, what’s hard.
  • Schedule & deadlines: When are midterms, big projects, finals? (Tip: add key dates to a shared family calendar.)
  • Support you’re using or might use: tutoring, study groups, office hours, advising.

Well‑being & community

  • Daily life: roommates, residence hall life, student orgs, recreation.
  • Health & safety: where you’d go for medical/mental health care and after‑hours help.
  • Belonging: identity‑based communities, first‑gen programs, mentoring.

Finances

  • How billing/aid actually works: tuition vs. fees vs. textbooks vs. living costs.
  • When to expect bills and refunds (and where they show up online).
  • Your plan: scholarships, aid, work‑study/part‑time work, emergency funds.

Day-to-Day Logistics

  • Campus basics: how to find offices, hours, and contact info.
  • Tech: Wi‑Fi, where to get help, what platforms you use for classes.
  • Transportation: campus transit, regional travel, rides for breaks.

Tip: Share “what I’m doing” + “what support I have” so family understands you have a plan.

Make a simple check‑in plan.

A little prep work will reduce stress, help you feel relaxed, help you remember what you want to share, and get the support you need. This template may take 5 minutes to fill out, but it can make a huge difference in setting up a new communication routine.

How often: ____________________________ (e.g., Sundays, 20 minutes)

What I’ll share:

  • One win, one challenge, one next step
  • Upcoming deadlines or bills
  • What support I’m using

What I need from you:

  • Listening / encouragement / practical help (circle one or more)

If I miss a check‑in:

  • Text me to reschedule. If you’re worried, call my roommate/hall desk/RA (if I’ve shared those contacts).

More tips and ideas are provided here

Conversation starters

Try one of these texts, calls, or messages to get the ball rolling:

  • “Three wins this week: I met with my advisor, joined a study group, and figured out my math homework plan.”
  • “Midterms are in two weeks. I’m visiting tutoring and office hours now so I’m ready.”
  • “Money note: textbooks were more than I expected. I’m checking out library options and used books.”
  • “I’m feeling homesick and excited at the same time. Can we set a Sunday check‑in for a bit?”
  • “If I say I’m overwhelmed, here’s how I’d like help: ask questions first, then help me choose one next step.”
Set healthy expectations & boundaries

You’re allowed to protect your time, energy, and privacy. Consider agreeing on:

  • Check‑in rhythm: e.g., Sundays at 6 p.m. + quick texts during the week.
  • Urgent vs. non‑urgent: what should trigger a same‑day call.
  • Grades & progress: when you’ll share updates (e.g., after each exam or midterm reports).
  • Problem‑solving style: Do you want advice, listening, or both?

Script: “I want to keep you in the loop. Let’s plan a weekly call on Sundays. If something urgent happens, I’ll text. Otherwise, I’ll update you on grades after midterms.”

It's never too late to set up a communications plan. You can use a new schedule, or maybe a shared space, as a reason for setting up a new routine:

Privacy & FERPA (what families can/can’t see)
  • Once you’re in college, your education records belong to you. That includes most grades and schedules.
  • You can choose to share information or grant access for specific things (like billing).
  • It’s okay to say: “I’ll share updates regularly, but some details are private.”

Tip: If you want a supporter to view billing or financial aid items, you can grant them third-party access.

When to ask for help (red flags)

Reach out to a trusted person or campus resource (like the Student Care Network) if you're experiencing:

  • Skipping multiple classes, sleeping very little or very much, or major appetite changes.
  • Feeling consistently unsafe, hopeless, or isolated.
  • Sudden money crises (food, housing, medical bills) that affect your ability to study.
  • Academic warnings or not understanding what to do next.

In an emergency:

Call 911. For mental health crises in the U.S., call/text 988.